I went for a run this morning.

This is significant.

Many years and several pounds ago, I was in the habit of running 5 to 7 miles a day. Now I’m more of a slog-away-on-the-elliptical-machine-whilst-watching-my-stories kind of exerciser. I have a FitBit, and I feel successful if I hit 10,000 steps — even if half of those steps are walking to and from the refrigerator.

This morning, though, after my husband and I were lamenting how out of shape we’d become, we decided to jog together for the first time in ages.

We were all:

surveying

Objects in photo are larger than they appear.

“We’re going to do this every morning!”
“Yeah!”

“We’re going to go to sleep at a reasonable hour!”
“Yeah!”

“We’re going to eat vegetables!”
“Yeah!”

We committed to 15 minutes. At around the 8-minute mark, I’d found my stride and was feeling good:

At 15 minutes, I got cocky. “I can make it to 20 — let’s keep going!” I said, breathlessly. Foolishly.

Bear in mind that I live in Dallas, where this time of year the mornings are 90 degrees with a disgusting 50% humidity. The situation quickly deteriorated.

post-30932-Im-kicking-my-ass-do-you-mind-PK7C

My thoughts turned to heat stroke.

Groaning and grimacing, I mentally ran through the symptoms that I’ve memorized, because I am addicted to the Internet. After concluding that I probably wasn’t dying, I continued.

I made it to 20 minutes and stopped, my quadriceps seizing. I was all:

Then, shame set in. What to some people would be a leisurely trot had thoroughly depleted me. My inner voice was all:

youre-getting-old-john

Clutching a glass of iced coffee, I hobbled to the couch and scrolled idly through Facebook. The first thing I happened upon was this:

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Kacy Catanzaro: American Ninja Warrior! Watch the clip, and you’ll see her run, jump and climb in the most incredible ways, without losing her cool or her breath. Simply amazing!

This woman is 5 feet tall and 100 pounds of pure strength and determination — and she’s the reason why, despite my harrowing experience this morning, I’m about to go do some crunches.

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